Most people who know me, know that I had a son before my "real" son. Although he came from a different mom, I still consider him my son. I try not to say "stepson" because I don't want him to feel like he's apart from my son or me and my husband.

Me and his dad (now my husband) got together just after my son's 2nd Birthday. I had NEVER dated a guy before who had a child, nor had I seriously thought about how it would be to date a guy with a child. He only had his son T every other weekend, so I figured it would be like any other guy … only every other weekend, instead of it being just me and my guy, it would be me, my guy, and his son. No biggy.

Continue reading "It takes a Village to Raise a Stepson" →

Every week, usually on a Monday, a packet of papers comes home from my son’s school. Usually it consists of a lunch menu, various PTA correspondence, a fund raiser one-sheet, and if my wife and I have been doing our job, a letter from the principle or my son’s teacher talking about how awesome he is and how much they wish more of the kids were like him. (Okay, okay…maybe not the last one, but he did get tapped to be a Lunch Buster. Still need to read up on what that is.)

This week we received a sheet of paper from the district—a head’s up, if you will—about a few films that will be shown to the 5th and 6th grade classes between now and the end of the year.

Yep, those videos.

Continue reading "The Talk" →

Rich's first post for Offbeat Mama was such a hit that I've asked him to write a regular monthly column for us called Step Dada-ism. In honor of Thanksgiving this week, here's Rich's take on the joys of a blended family holiday. -Ariel

The time between November 1 and January 1 produces a lot of hand-wringing. Not because you’re stressing about how to pay for gifts or trying to make vacations line up. That’s the easy part. I’m talking about the Holiday Two-Step. The exasperating job of scheduling whose family is going to be spending time at which location, and making sure so-and-so won’t be there, because if she is, there’s no way I’m gonna be there.

I’m just sayin’.

When you come from a blended family, this usually this requires the kind of diplomacy that would make Obama stand back and give props. When you come from a blended family—and have a blended family of your own—you need some kind of Ghandi/David Blaine combination of spiritual guidance and sleight of hand to achieve your goal.

Continue reading "The Holiday Hustle" →

"Are you Little Miss's, ummm aunty?" asked my little cousin.

I've got to hand it to her, despite only being four she had the street smarts of someone far beyond her years.

My cousin's parents had been separated for years and her mum happily re-partnered with man that my cousin now happily refers to as her stepdad despite no formal marriage taking place. Along the way my cousin had a few 'uncles' and knew playmates who often had their parents' significant others masquerading as 'aunties' and 'uncles.'

This is the same Stef who brought us What to expect when you weren't expecting.

But at that point, I was at complete loss to answer my cousin's question so I went for a factual response, "Umm no, Little Miss already has an aunty. Two in fact if you count my partner's sister-in-law."

"Well, are you you her stepmum?"

Continue reading "Who am I to my partner's daughter?" →

Not to brag here, but kids love me. Babies reach out their arms for me, toddlers wipe their sticky little hands on my pants, the older kids wanted me to play and read.

Me? Not so much. I always likened this to the way cats behave. Cats seem to know who doesn’t like them and then they rub and weave around that person’s legs. Kids and me the same thing.

I love my parents, but I just never thought that I would want to be one myself. Then I met a guy who already had a girl in his life. A seven year old girl to be exact, who called him daddy and required a story at bedtime every night.

Continue reading "My step-daughter changed me. And I liked it." →

I always thought "blended family" sounded more like something off the Jamba Juice menu than a term you'd use to categorize relationships between parents and children, but nonetheless I am both the byproduct of a blended family and do a little family blending of my own.

I have three sisters—all from my parent's first marriage—and two step-sisters who are the children of my Dad's wife, both of whom have different fathers. I have a half-brother who is 20 years younger than me, and my step-father has two kids of his own, though I don't really talk to them.

I am also the proud step-father or my own 10-year-old boy, whose biological father I sometimes watch football games with when my wife and our son are out of town together. It's not always easy, but it works, and the benefits far, far outweigh any weirdness that ensues as a result of the close ties. (Arguing about politics with my son's Dad's mother on Facebook = FAIL.)

Continue reading "Step dada-ism — Making a blended family work" →