Q: I planned a natural birth with a midwife and ended up in the hospital with all the medical stuff. I feel like such a failure and can’t seem to get over it. Can you help? -Anonymous

Birth is one of those unpredictable, uncontrollable situations in life. You’ve certainly learned that lesson with your whole body, right? And this is really an important, essential lesson to learn because, as it turns out, most of life is unpredictable and uncontrollable.

So first off: Congratulate yourself for successfully undergoing a “rite of passage” where you learned this important lesson! Especially as Americans, we often think we have control over our lives — and we certainly do more so than most peoples around the planet. But ultimately each of us has to grapple with that which is beyond our control. We have to learn about surrender.

Continue reading "You did NOT fail just because your natural childbirth didn't go as planned" →

You have mentioned the necessity of finding a health practitioner you trust and feel a connection with. Do you have any tips for how to go about this? Are there particular questions you recommend asking to help "screen" potential midwives and doctors? Any responses that should trigger a warning?

The very first step is to take some time to read and talk with your partner and others so as to clarify what is most important to you about your birth experience. For example, if you feel strongly that you want to give birth in the hospital, a birth center, or at home, if you want a woman or a man as a birth attendant, if you would like pain-relieving medication as an option or not, if you feel safer with high-tech medical care close at hand or as far away as possible.

Continue reading "How to find the perfect midwife or OBGYN for your birth" →

Our baby, Jasper (Puna'ikaika Curtis Mayfield Kavanaugh-um yes, there are four middle names), was born on 27 March 2009 in Portland, Oregon. My husband and I moved to Portland in December of 2008, and I hooked up with the nurse midwives at OHSU for our birth shortly thereafter.

Before going into his birth story, let me preface this by saying that my husband, Sean, and I were planning a very relaxed (as relaxed as birthing can be, I guess) experience. First of all, we were going to take the water birth with a midwife, dim lights and music playing approach. Second, we attempted to choose a birthing center in Portland, but insurance wouldn't cover it.

Finally, we in no way anticipated that our baby would come two months early, thus necessitating a switch from the midwives to the OBs in the hospital, have a rare platelet disorder, and spend a month in the NICU.

Continue reading "Surviving the NICU" →

A lot of women I know talk about having the perfect pregnancy, the perfect birth, the perfect baby. I was one of them.

In the beginning of my pregnancy, everything WAS perfect. I was healthy, my growing baby boy was healthy, my hubby, Devin, was amazing, our families were thrilled, friends were ecstatic, life couldn't have been better.

Continue reading "I had a horrible pregnancy, and I can't wait to try again!" →

Q. We are planning our first homebirth with our 2nd child due in February in a state that has laws preventing homebirth. I am so excited to not be in a hospital setting….but I am becoming consumed with fear. Fear that something is going to go wrong, that we'll have to transport to the hospital for a c-section.

Fear of the baby being breech, fear of something…anything going wrong. I have a feeling that these fears may manifest into reality since I'm so worried about them. How do I get past these fears so I can have and enjoy and not worry about the 'what if's'? -Amber

Amber,
Firstly, I want to honor you for your courage in choosing a homebirth despite the state laws and lack of support. Already you are showing your courage.

I also appreciate that you so openly disclosed the fears you are wrestling. Acknowledging your fears means they have less power over you than if they were unconscious and repressed.

Continue reading "Facing your birth fears" →

Alice Ann was birthed into the world by cesarean at 9:21 in the morning on July 7. She weighed in at 6 pounds 7 ounces, measuring 18 and 3/4 inches long.

Let's backtrack to the 37th week, two weeks before Alice was born. Henry and I went to my weekly check-up together, to have "The Talk" with our doctor. "The Talk" was rendered moot when Alice's breech presentation was discovered on the ultrasound. That one word, BREECH, completely changed the tone of everything.

Continue reading "Birth warrior! Breech babies and birthing plans" →