White or brown, girl or boy. It doesn't matter.
Written by Denise Fixcat · Offbeat op-eds

I couldn't agree more!:D

or rather, Scottish is British.

Why "reverse racism"?

i too couldn't of cared less if this baby was going to be a boy or girl. brown like my husband or pale like me. i just want a happy child that grows to be an amazing human being from the inside out!

Glad someone else noticed that too. Racism is racism, there is no such thing as reverse racism.

Otherwise, this was a great read.

I agree, racism is racism. But I think she meant reverse when it's racism that you wouldn't expect. i.e. racism from your own "race" for not being recognizable enough, like not knowing the language or not looking like everyone else. I'm full Mexican, but I look white and I don't really speak spanish, so I often get racism from other Mexicans due to my un-mexican-ness! So yes, it's still racism, but it's just a bit different than how you think it would be.

It's great to see this post and to read comments from different cultures – here a darker-eyed baby is more likely to have people cooing over them! Just goes to show…

LOL The following is not meant to be preachy, nor to say I believe in division, because I believe in multiculturalism but I found your comment, Anna, amusing. So the following is meant in a tongue in cheek way.

Not everyone thinks that Scottish or Welsh is English. In fact, there continues to be a strong secessionist movement in Scotland (and they have an independent parliament) and in Wales many people still speak the Welsh language. Although the British Isles share common (and conflicting) histories and many commonalities in culture, Scotland, England and Wales are unique cultures. So while they may all be called the British Isles, I dare you to call a dedicated Scotsman "English" LOL

This is my favorite column so far. As a future mom of biracial kids, I am glad to see others with similar ideas!

Nice Job! well said xoxoxo

Marie – Scottish secessionist movement – correct. Many Welsh people speak Welsh – correct. But you totally fall down by using the word English. I'm English – but my passport says I'm British – and so would the passports of people in Scotland and Wales – which is just a geographical fact (which I realise you acknowledge).
There's no need to dare Anna to call a Scot English – because she didn't, she said Scots were British – and they are.

Apologies for highjacking the comments. Lovely article.

Am I becoming the unofficial proofreader? I don't know why but this stuff just jumps out at me.
First sentence: a boy a girl = a boy or a girl

How is that poem sexist? I think it's really beautiful. I have said the "as long as he or she is healthy" line but I always kind of meant it as "as long as I get to hold him or her in my arms at hte end of this whole thing" of course I will love my baby if he isn't healthy. I found out the sex only because it was driving me nuts not having a name to call this little person inside of me. It is very possible that my son will have brown skin. My boyfriend is half whiite half mexican and I'm white so I'm not sure how the genes will sort themselves. Im kind of hoping for brown skin and blue eyes. I thing that would be beautiful, but I know that he will be amazing no mater what.

I am pregnant too and cannot stand the boy/girl comments… trust me, gets worse when you already have one. I have a girl and everyone wishes for this to be a boy so that i can have a "pair…" As if children were collectible figures or something of the sort. Sorry, the boy/girl thing does not matter to me, and we would be blessed to have another girl (which by the way, we already know how to raise and we have tons of clothes for, etc.)

As for the biracial thing, we are that too, although I suppose for our purposes it's not as noticeable; i'm am Peruvian and not dark-skinned, but not light either (i don't really know what the classification of my particular skin color is) and my husband was born in Italy and has the typical Mediterranean olive skin… so we look similar and our daughter looks just like me, just lighter. It is sad, though, that my daughter's lightness has seemed to be looked at as a positive thing in parts of my hispanic family and family friends when really it doesn't matter at all (and has not been mentioned to me except once by my husband's family)… I really think the attention to "whiteness" too is very ingrained in our Hispanic (or Latino) culture, with its roots in conquest, comparison, and the perception of the European conquistador/missionary as "savior."

One last thing though, as to the "healthy" comment. I often say that I want a healthy baby and I don't care if it's a boy/girl. I have lost a baby in miscarriage, though and to me, a "healthy" baby is a live one. So I don't think it necessarily has to mean a non-disabled, "perfect" baby. The wish for a healthy baby is one of good spirit and hope, I think, and not a disparaging remark toward those children that are not "healthy."

Sorry, I meant "English ancestry…" I forgot British applies to Scottish, English and Welsh.

Thank you so much for the comments, I'm so glad that some people feel as I do and have similar experiences. It feels so great to share in this forum.

As far as the healthy comment I hope I did not offend anyone, I know that most people mean well when they say that and my intention was not to make people feel uncomfortable but it's just something that I have thought when I hear it sometimes. I appreciate your comments and the perspective to mean simply a live child. I had a cousin who had down syndrome and died at 8 of cancer and I can remember the way people looked at him and how family reacted to my uncle and aunt like it had been punishment. I don't think it's as bad now but I still think we need to work on looking at babies with disabilities just as healthy and amazing as more physically healthy babies. I love Goddess Leonie's comment "Whatever we are given is a gift from Great Spirit."

What a lovely post! And so thoughtfully written.
I read with interest some people's experience that a white baby is thought of as ideal….I think babies of non-caucasion descent are sooo gorgeous, and they tend to be less pink and funny looking at birth. Its an interesting point that you raise about the saying 'i don't care as long as its healthy'. And I know what you mean that no matter what you will love your baby, but I do think there is difference between skin colour/gender and health. In that you would never wish that your baby was unhealthy but you might wish for a boy/girl baby. Does that make sense? I hope so…

As far as the stuff about mixed race babies, I think it's terrible that people make you feel like the whiter baby is the most beautiful. Personally, I think that bi- (or more) racial babies are gorgeous! All babies are beautiful, lets face it, but multi-race babies also stand for something very important in our country – that there are truly some people crossing race divides, and in a way they are a symbol of the possibility of the growth of people past racism that still exists in the world today. A friend of mine when she was a freshman in college said when asked about race that she thought "we should all just interbreed until we're all shades of brown"… and it really was a beautiful thought!

Great post, no matter what your family says now they will adore your beautiful baby when it's here.

This reminds me of a friend's experience — she is half East Indian/half Caucasian, and her husband is lily white. Their daughter was born a pale red head, and looked NOTHING like my friend. When she confessed to her mother that she felt sad about her daughter looking so little like her, her blonde mother laughed and said, "Oh honey, I understand. I had a baby who was brown and covered in fine dark hair."

Beautiful! It made me cry.

My husband and I are both of British & Ukrainian ancestry. Our son is very fair, with blue eyes (Dad) and blond hair (me). I am crazy about him, and, of course, I think he is gorgeous. I love that he has blond hair, but that's because I had blond hair as a kid (it is now very dark). I have never thought that he is better for having blue eyes or blond hair. He's part of me and his dad and that's what is so amazing!

I cannot believe that others' have encountered comments about skin and hair color of their child! That makes me very sad. Thank you for sharing your experience.