Photo courtesy of Danny Hammontree, by Creative Commons License
Not sure if any of y'all saw this article in the New York Times this weekend: What’s Good for the Kids, which I found via Mombian.
The article gives a quick look at the early data that's starting to come in about what the measurable psychological differences exist in the children of gay parents.
The results aren't exactly shocking, but maybe I just say that because I'm married to the adult child of gay parents. For instance:
These children tend to be less conventional and more flexible when it comes to gender roles and assumptions than those raised in more traditional families … Same-sex couples, it seems, are less likely to impose certain gender-based expectations on their children …
It feels like common sense, but it's awesome to see the cold, hard data to back it up. I'd definitely recommend reading the whole article, which has some great advice for how het parents can learn from the lessons of their gay parenting peers.
Comments on "So, are the kids of gay parents any different?"
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Nancy Cavillones
November 10th, 2009 · 3:19 PM · #
I wonder if there is a difference between kids raised in one household with one set of (gay) parents and kids who come from families of divorce and go between two households, one of which is led by gay parents? I fall into the second category. My parents split up when I was 5 or 6, both of them remarried– my mom to her partner, and my dad to his second wife. My sisters and I were raised pretty traditionally, and would consider ourselves to be pretty conventional–two of us are SAHMs, and all of us married young, taking on traditional female roles, even when we worked.
I think this younger generation of same-sex couples is a lot different than same-sex couples who were raised in the 50s and 60s, and came out after having already been in traditional marriages.
Sarah TX
November 10th, 2009 · 3:38 PM · #
That's an interesting question, Nancy! I really do believe that so many of our unquestioned assumptions about life are learned at a very young age, and it's not entirely surprising that being raised by traditional parents who later split and formed new family relationships would not magically wipe out all the previous experiences without some conscious decisions made on the parts of both parents.
carly
November 10th, 2009 · 3:40 PM · #
after reading that article…i don't know, everything in it made perfect sense to me. like, "well, duh." lol. and then i caught myself wondering if my child (or children, if i have more) is somehow going to devalue herself (should tadpole be a girl) or his future partner (should tadpole be a boy and heterosexual) because my husband and i do have chores divided along "gender lines" to a point, giving us slightly more "traditional" husband and wife roles. (i do the laundry and dishes, he shovels the snow/mows the lawn–depending on the season–and takes out the trash, but then we share the cooking, cat-feeding, and the rest of the cleaning. oh, and he scoops the cat litter, on account of my preggoid status.) i don't think we will though. i still decided to be an engineer and my sister has a degree in journalism (although she does admin-type work), and i have hetero parents.
kind of makes you want to gag that much more when you hear "they'll teach your kids about gay marriage in school!" as the number 1 argument against it.
Nancy Cavillones
November 10th, 2009 · 3:48 PM · #
Also, I want to add that in the case of my mother and her partner, they definitely have taken on traditional gender roles in that my mom's partner, being more butch, is the "pants-wearer" in the family, while my mom is like the "wife." LOL
KS84
November 10th, 2009 · 6:59 PM · #
Carly, I'll second your "well, duh" reaction! I used to coach youth swimming in a relatively conservative suburb of DC (a metropolitan area, but also a large military/govt. presence), and we had a family with two moms join – the most heartening thing about it was how *no one cared*. Certainly not the kids, but even the other parents (after the initial eyebrow raise) were all, "hey, welcome to the team – always great to have more parents to share the volunteering load!"
I can't wait for the day, somewhere down the road, where bias based on sexuality is totally passe, y'know?
Kate B
November 10th, 2009 · 7:19 PM · #
thank you for linking this article. i, too, am glad to see that research is catching up. it is just so silly to me that people actually believe that being gay and being a parent could harm your children. i think it's ignorance and bigotry that harm children….just sayin'
Kristen
November 10th, 2009 · 10:09 PM · #
I was so glad to see this article. I am the adult child of lesbian parents, and it's often frustrated me to see folks who are against gay marriage proclaiming from the mountain tops that being raised by gay parents is bad for the children, when nobody ever actually seems to ask the kids themselves. And now that more people are coming out earlier in life, as opposed to getting (hetero) married and having children and then coming out (like my mom), it's become more and more clear that the children of gay parents are just as happy and well-adjusted as any other child who comes from a stable, loving home. I've always said that the main issue about my own mother coming out was the divorce and subsequent drama, as well as having to not tell anyone she was gay, since she wasn't out in our community, that caused any issues.
So yes, as Kate B said, ignorance and bigotry did the damage. Not the gayness.
christine
November 11th, 2009 · 1:09 PM · #
I am always happy to see that studies like these encourage communication. I am completely biased, in a sense, because I was raised from birth by gay parents. I am well-adjusted and left my childhood unharmed, for the most part. (Unless you consider the fact that my parents sent me to Catholic schools, as abuse:)
The arguments against LGBT in regards to child rearing, are unsubstantiated in my opinion. And mostly hurled by homophobic individuals that are obsessed with what goes on behind closed doors.
emily
November 11th, 2009 · 5:45 AM · #
It helps to have studies like these, because while we might all be having 'duh' moments, there are plenty of people that think that children somehow need protection from us queermoes in terms of legal restrictions on parenting rights and around our relationships. If you mostly move in offbeat or queer circles it can be a little bit of a culture shock to remember the biases that are out there.
With kids coming out young enough to go off and have their own offbeat weddings to same gendered partners it also allows for a whole new and wonderful thing-The kids that are produced from this queer unions are most definitely wanted and sought after. I'm a whoopsie baby myself and none the worse for it, but a carefully planned for child has a lot of advantages.
Kristi
November 16th, 2009 · 5:41 PM · #
Our daughter has two mothers. She is the happiest, healthiest kid you'll ever meet. We're raising her to be loving, caring, respectful, intelligent, assertive, strong, and confident. On top of having two mothers, she's been vegetarian from birth. And we're very offbeat Mamas (well, a Mama and a Mommy)! We absolutely love this site so much, and everyone who contributes.
- Kristi, Victoria and little Dahlia.